Monday, April 27, 2009

Fuck American Companies

This economy and the American corporate culture and environment is WORTHLESS. If you didn't realize that yet I'm sorry to be the bearer of shitty news but it's been the truth since before I was born.

There is NO corporate responsibility in this country anymore. I'm not even talking about major important shit anymore. Fuck that. Fuck Ken Lay, Enron, Tyco, GlobalCom, Adelphia, AIG, GM, all of these assholes. Let's not even necessarily focus on you worthless wastes of semen anymore.

The American product is worthless and useless. We live in a consumer environment with no accountability whatsoever anymore. You can't even use software because the nature of multi-threaded (aka good) software programming necessitates that there are entirely random and practically inexplicable bugs in the code that an entire team of programmers that wrote it cant even figure out.

Not only that but then there isn't even an ATTEMPT by the firms to support their products and offer the slightest bit of help to end-users. Are you fucking kidding me? If a google search, the documentation, and the companies technical support fail to even ACKNOWLEDGE the existence of your problem, than what the fuck is the point of your company? What the fuck is the point of your tech support when it doesn't even exist?

And why the fuck are you people not upgrading TEN YEAR old software to work with Photoshop CS4? ITS NOT EVEN NEW ITS BEEN OUT FOR LONGER THAN CS3 WAS BEFORE THEY UPGRADED.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Alestorm – Captain Morgan’s Revenge

Alestorm – Captain Morgan's Revenge


Originally I had seen and heard of this band "AleStorm" through iTunes and CDNow's (I refuse to refer to it as Amazon as the original companies URL still navigates the page, obviously for customer continuity reasons. Don't get me wrong I love Amazon) respective "related artists" and "customers also bought"features. And every time I saw it I said to myself "Well it's related to bands that are most certainly good and indefinitely worth purchasing and listening to, do I really need more motivation?" Regardless, due to being pre-occupied with something or other or just lazy, or a combination of both in addition to other things, I never got around to buying or downloading their first album until the last two weeks. Captain Morgan's Revenge, their major label debut with Napalm Records came out in January 20008, it's now April 2009. As odd and shallow as it may seem, at the point when I discovered this album, I was literally basing music purchases and downloads upon the quality and appeal of the album's cover art, which isn't necessarily a fallible strategy when it comes to metal artists because most metal artists have beautiful artwork on their albums, and those same artists typically end up being the most worthwhile to listen to.

I won't go into the band's history as this is a review of this album, not of the band itself, but as a debut album review I must discuss as much of their style and a brief history of the artist as is required to establish a familiarity. Alestorm hails from Perth, in northern Scotland above Edinburgh and Glasgow, and were formerly known under the name of Battleheart, the original title of the band when it was formed in 2004. As aforementioned, iTunes and Amazon (I use these two because they're the only mainstream music services worth trusting. Don't get me wrong, there are many free music services that are quite astounding.) associates Alestorm with bands such as Firewind, Mastodon, Tyr, Turisas, which all play a genre of music that reviewers are calling "battle metal", and considering it's the name of one of Turisas' albums as well as several metal compilation albums featuring these bands, in combination with their actual musical style, it seems to work for me. Also, I'm not sure if the major music services make this assosication, but I would most definitely associate Alestorm's musical style with that of Korpiklaani and similar bands like Eluveitie.

Unfortunately to anyone who doesn't necessarily listen to those specific bands or metal in general (though I don't know why you would be reading the review instead of just listening to it first if that were the case, I'm glad you are trying) that doesn't necessarily tell you anything. Hopefully the following comparisons will give you a clue but if all else fails I may just resort to some actual descriptive abilities. Alestorm, to me, sounds like Flogging Molly, Dropkick Murphys, Metallica, Blind Guardian and Korpkilaani had a cross-over dream with each other and it turned into a band. If you ever wanted to hear the inherently cheery and entertaining sound of Flogging Molly or the Murphys set to a faster, metal, exclusively fictional (Pirates aren't fictional obviously, though at this point the popular European kind are) rhythm, I'd have to say Alestorm is exactly what you're looking for.

Musically, Alestorm is exactly as complex as you would come to expect from underrated and less mainstream metal artists these days. Like Blind Guardian, In Flames, Iced Earth, Korpiklaani, Hammerfall, any metal band you can think of that doesn't play the "death" metal style, every song by Alestorm is rich with sound. Their actual instrument line-up isn't any more erudite or versatile than the standard metal band, featuring the typical three instruments and a keyboard, but it doesn't stop them from making each song sound distinct and different enough to be memorable. Their songs range from Dragonforce-style epics (minus the absurd amount of intertwining guitarists) replacing tales of Dragons with accounts of plunder, sailing the high seas and booty, to less serious modern day pirate sea shantys that wouldn't feel too out of place on a Flogging Molly album.

In an age where pirates are romanticized in Hollywood films, video games, novels, and inaccurately used to refer to distributors and illegal acquirers of copyrighted material, debuting to the world with the concept of Scottsh pirate metal is actually a rather intelligent commercial endeavor. Most people in our age group (18 -25), including those younger and older, are quite fond of pirates. Whether because of Disneyworld's ride, its' awful movie trilogy, or because of their strong ideological convictions about file "piracy", people identify to some extent with piracy or are at the very least entertained by it. In addition, with their second album coming out, the recent international Somalian pirate incident and the ensuing South Park parody have done their share to keep pirates fresh on the public's mind.

Other reviewers have mentioned the two potential problems with Alestorm's success and future as a musical artist. I think most legitimate of these two concerns is the Dragonforce scenario, or what some people believe to be the case with Dragonforce. They came out and they were awesome and then almost immediately people said "Okay that's enough, shut up, just shut up with your three guitars and your dragons" and as soon as Dragonforce was "popular" they were immediately "crucified" by public opinion. Maybe that is the case, I don't pay attention to trends in the music audience, I just listen to music I like, because that's what music is for. Second, others have stated that they feel Alestorms style is built too much upon their colleagues in the power/folk metal genre, which honestly is quite irrelevant because that happens with every new band. In time they were chisel out their own unique style, their second major label album hasn't even come out yet.

All in all I absolutely love their first album and as I wrote this I listened to their second album, and loved that just as much. The song that stands out the most to me from Captain Morgan's Revenge is "Wenches and Mead", for its jovial tone and in my opinion absolutely hilarious subject matter. Not because I objectify women and I think it's funny to refer to them as wenches (though you have to admit it's funny to hear the word wenches in lieu of the more offensive bitches, come on) but it's just a funny song when you consider that even though it's supposed to be a pirate thing to head to a tavern for mead and wenches, it stands the test of time both a thousand years before the height of piracy and today, centuries after the supposed extermination of piracy. Could we as males ask for much more? It's quite simple.


A wench by my side and a jug of mead,

these are the things that I most need,

so I sit back and sing this song

and drink and party all night long.

Hey hey, I want more wenches,

hey hey more wenches and mead,

hey hey I want more wenches,

lots of wenches is what I need".



Yarr, ye be buyin this cd, ya hear me landlubbers!


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Resident Evil: The Review of Death

R\Grenadeh's Reviews


Resident Evil: The Review of Death

Part One: resident evil

I will preface by saying two things in regards to reviewing in general as well as reviewing these specific movies. It's been eight years since I've written a review of anything, as well as it has been eight years since I've written a public review of anything, as I used to do in the entertainment section of our high school's news magazine. I am not a professional writer, I do not work for the media in any way, I do not run an entertainment-review devoted blog that I think somehow empowers me and qualifies me to have an opinion. I'm a student, a civilian, a technologist, a gamer, a nerd, a liberal, and Jewish. Just an everyday normal person that, like most normal people, actually have a brain in their heads, as opposed to the monkey suits we are expected to listen to in the mainstream media.

That having been said, I will preface this review by stating two things in specific about the first movie: No one's opinion on this movie or this movie series matters to me even if you agree with me, in the slightest bit, though I'm sure most reviews will label these films with similar results as my own, though certainly they will be significantly less scathing or enlightened.

Obviously reviewing a movie several years after it came out, even several years after it came out on DVD/ HD-DVD/Blu-Ray seems quite retroactive, but I am prompted by my recent acquisition of the Blu-Ray of the series to finally start writing reviews again, starting with my opinion on the dramatization of the best video game franchise in the history of video game franchises. Either way, I feel I should give this film series the review it deserves from someone who actually knows what they're talking about. One thing I will admit off the bat: I've seen all three movies at least twenty times, so no matter what I say, obviously the movies were enjoyable (though most of the views are the result of a combination of procrastination and intense boredom). In fact, I'm watching the first movie right now and I have it minimized, because I know the script for the movies so well I don't even need to look at the video.

In 2002 when the first movie was released, Resident Evil was still in it's youth, though growing at dramatic speed. Only four years had passed since the first amazing game was released on the Playstation, and in short order RE2, RE3, and Code Veronica had been released ( admittedly Code Veronica being the last public review I had written). In light of all this, I and my friend among all of our other colleagues were greatly pleased by news of this Hollywood rendition of Resident Evil coming to our theaters in the summer. However, this review is not about the Resident Evil games, which in my opinion don't necessarily even merit any criticism of significance.

Obviously it was established immediately that the Resident Evil movie was not a Hollywood rendition of the video games (no video game movie ever has been, with the exception perhaps of Mortal Kombat), but it was instead based upon the universe created in the Resident Evil games. Technically that doesn't really please any fans of the Resident Evil series. No matter how much anyone, including me, loves the lore and the fictional universe developed by Capcom®, it's easy to say we'd rather see a live action rendition of the events we had to suffer through in the games rather than a Hollywood (and inherently ludicrous) version of different events.

The movie begins and a guy spiels about Umbrella, speaking of lore which matches very accurately that established in the video game universe, fans rejoice. We are introduced through the eyes of a wall to the Hive laboratory complex, getting an up close and personal look at the Tyrant virus, a cute bunny, and its involvement in testing the anti-virus vaccination. Then we are personally introduced to a virus containment apparatus which seems is being loaded with all the available samples of the virus and anti-virus from this cute bunny room. So far, so good, everything is as high tech as expected from Umbrella, and the colors of the viral strains are accurate to the game. Then the shit appears to hit the fan as our friend Spence can be somewhat identified tossing the virus on the floor , indicating to all Resident Evil gamers that the shit has just officially knocked the fan over and turned the fan itself into more shit.

The following events detail to us (as much detail as any Resident Evil gamer or person with an imagination needs) the ensuing viral outbreak and sanitation of the Hive laboratory complex, ending with a woman assumedly being decapitated by an elevator. Funnily enough, later on her head is nowhere to be seen at the elevator bank, assuming it was chopped off, which you would only logically deduce if a woman were put in a computer controlled guillotine with a blade (the solid steel floor) travelling at her head at x miles per hour , the only conclusive deduction judging by how concerned they all are that the elevator next to them has just murdered a plural number of people by free falling about a thousand feet. Insert retarded part number one, they could easily have pulled her back into the elevator or similarly pushed her out of the elevator. Those doors don't get stuck, they're designed to be manually opened in the event of emergency. Ridiculous, excusable, but unforgiveable.

Cut from the crisis in the laboratory to a rather cute and naked Jovavich laying on her shower floor, covered only by a shower curtain, which obviously she had the foresight to pull from the shower curtain rod and cover herself with lest anyone see her naked, alone, in a mansion. The following shots establish that she is suffering from amnesia, yet she can still navigate her own house quite perfectly. Unfortunately for me, this is where the movie starts its downward spiral , though very slowly at this point. She gets scared of the wind, which is completely understandable. Everything about the Spencer mansion is frightening and unsettling, I might be inclined to run away from the wind as well, though in the game they sought shelter in the mansion after being chased by a whole shit ton of Cerberi (zombie dogs.), so everything in and around the Blair Witch 2 looking mansion and the Arklay Woods is uncomfortable in any rendition. Suddenly, oh my gods! A copper grabs her and apparently intends to rape her back, and then cue in the obnoxiously loud and annoying techno music as an Umbrella special forces team busts through the window and the doors, though in real life as well as the video games they would have used the doors exclusively for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that breaking windows quite conspicuously announces their arrival, as well as simultaneously compromising the security of their position if in fact enemy combatants were within the premises.

Here I must digress from a strict focus on the movie and begin the first of several comparisons to Resident Evil itself, though I will chronologically continue the review in the background with the things I criticize. The Umbrella team is quite professional, not to mention arrogant, and ignorant. In many ways this perfectly recreates the Umbrella Special Forces operatives from all the Resident Evil games, though it is unacceptably illogical and unforgiveable for so many reasons. Paramount of all these reasons is a very simple one, an oversight seemingly impossible for "intelligent" writers, which obviously shows you two things: Writers are morons, and movies are intentionally written as unrealistically as possible for the sole purpose of plot progression and consistency. An Umbrella Special Forces unit sent to contain, or to have any involvement with anything whatsoever (in Resident Evil this almost exclusively means a form of violent combat action), is going to be very well informed of all the tactical details of the situation. Now inherently, as they are higher status employees in most circumstances than actual Umbrella researchers, shift workers, whatever, they are going to know what they are getting into. No company involved in ethical businesses needs it's own professionally trained para-military organizations, so it only stands to reason in the job interview or at some point during the course of their career they would have inquired as to "So uh, why do you Ivy League doctor kids need tanks and marines?" . So obviously, by the dictates of common Eff'ing sense, the Umbrella team sent to the Hive : a) Knew the layout of the Hive beforehand , b) Knew that Umbrella was built solely to research and engineer bio-organic and viral weaponry and most importantly, C) Was informed of vital tactical information such as the fact that the only way to defeat any of the Tyrant virus mutations was a massive trauma to the brain. In fact, this is deductible not only by the logical constraints of the established Resident Evil universe, but in real life by actual police, military, and para-military forces. Ask the S.W.A.T, Delta Force, SEALS, whatever force, it's a very public and well established fact : Two in the chest, one in the head. Subsequently by virtue of all, or any of the preceding facts, everyone not only in the first movie, but every Resident Evil movie, and every zombie move in history, should be aware of how to kill zombies, because they are killed the same away as a human being: the head. Shooting people anywhere but the head is a foolishly optimistic and merciless method of killing them. If you were to be killed by gunshot, would you rather bleed to death from your heart or would you rather just die instantly? Easy fucking decision.

Now that all these facts have established the inherent stupidity and absurdity of not only Resident Evil but all zombie movies, it's time to address the few remaining things of note in the movie.

When they discover Spence on the tram en route to the Hive, behind a forcibly shut door, they don't have the common sense to look in the conductor's chamber of the tram for a nanosecond to notice there's a black duffel bag on the floor. What do they think he was doing? Going on vacation into the Hive at the exact time it went Chernobyl? In addition to that, having established both in this review and in the movie through the dialogue itself the Umbrella teams knowledge of the situation and the facility, they OBVIOUSLY should have realized, considering that the leader knew Alice and Spence were security operatives, married to each other, that this random man in the tram was Spencer. This is what I said about intentional unrealistic writing solely for the sake of plot progression and filming. Now, of course, if there were any tint of reality whatsoever to this movie, an intelligent team of Umbrella operatives would have acted out the following script I have so brilliantly concocted.


Medic : Lie still.

(Spencer groggily fidgets around, lying supine on the tram floor)

Medic: I said lie still!

Medic: Follow the light.

(Spencer follows the light with his head, barely able to lift it, though lying otherwise motionless)

Medic: How many fingers am I holding up?

Spencer: Three

(Kaplan meanwhile steps past the two into the tram conductors chamber, looking for anything of concern)

Kaplan: Found something!

One: Bring it out here.

(Kaplan picks up the duffel bag, moving back into the main room of the tram, and sets it on the floor next to Spencer)

One: What's in the bag?

Spencer: What? ……. I don't know?

(Kaplan exchanges glances with the commander, crouching on the steel floor of the tram over the duffel bag. One nods, and Kaplan proceeds to open the bag.)

Kaplan: What the hell? (he produces a shiny silver lunchbox out of the duffel bag, emblazoned with the universally recognizable biohazard symbol).

One: Open it.

(Kaplan opens the lunchbox because realistically if he had the ability to decode the door locks within the laboratory he could figure out a simple four digit encryption on a temporary biohazard transportation container)

(The lunchbox hisses open, some pressurized gas spewing from within the container like dry ice)

Kaplan:'s the virus!

Rain: Alright, pack it up. Fuck this shit let's get the hell out of here.

One: No. We have to find out what happened down here.

Rain: What the fuck did you say? The lab automatically seals in an hour, we don't have to do a damn thing. We have the most important piece of company property down here, let's get the fuck out before that homicidal bitch kills the rest of us, too!

One: Oh, good point.

One: Kaplan, can you reverse the train and send us back to the mansion?

Kaplan: The tram travels automatically to its destination, we won't be able to change directions en route. We'll have to wait until we get to the loading dock.

One: Alright, let's do it.

End of fucking movie.


(Why Kaplan? Because Kaplan is obviously the smartest one in the entire group, being the technologist (though he is initially too stupid to realize his turning the Hive off released the zombies) though in a realistic scenario such as my script his display of such possible stupidity would never have occurred because the situation would have ended while they were ahead)


Obviously for the sake of entertainment and intentional irritation of the viewing public, this is not what happened, otherwise the story would have had too happy of an ending and been 30 minutes long. Which frankly would be only fitting, considering that in order to get an A rank in the game, you have to beat it in under an hour, not shoot anyone, and not waste time and health.

Unfortunately this isn't the only thing that pisses me off about the film, it's just one of many things. I'm going to digress from the review for now and simply list them, hopefully in chronological order of their occurrence.

They try to go through the labs which, when looking at the 3d layout of the hive on his wristputer, was a fucking retarded idea in the first place, even if there weren't zombies everywhere. Going down the stairs through the "dining hall" was obviously the most direct route to the Queen's Chamber, though it may have taken a slightly greater amount of time.

The team approaches the good old laser hallway ( of course not knowing it's a laser hallway because after all it's not like they are security operatives and KNOW intimate details about the Hive facility). Ol' Shiny kills all but five of them. This is inexcusably and inarguably the stupidest fucking scene of any movie ever produced anywhere around the globe and I would go so far as to include the entire universe, assuming there are an intelligent sentient race of beings on a planet or space station somewhere that produce fictional motion pictures to sublimate their subconscious desires and distract themselves from their mortal boredom. I've already established the governing principles of why everything I will list is absurd to the point of insensitivity, but I'll restate it for fun.

How the fuck does this team of operatives not realize, after explicitly stating that the Red Queen has its own defensive systems, that there's a LASER hallway governed by an obviously intensely complex algorithmic program that can readjust in real time to sensory information gathered on its "assailants" so well that it can actually trick them in addition to killing them? Now, ignoring that, because when faced by a fictional and non-existent laser hallway governed by intensely complex algorithms, even an Olympic gold medal gymnast would be most certainly boned if trying to outmaneuver it, let's examine the other absurdities of Ol' Shiny. There are spaces on both ends of the hallway which quite blatantly are not susceptible, insofar as the two movies starring Ol' Shiny are inclined to show us, to the reaches of said laser hallway. Use what little common sense that you (as a person in the movie) obviously don't have and hide your stupid body in the ample space afforded by the blind spots at both ends of the laser hallway. At least two of you can survive to watch the rest of your friends die. Is it possible that the laser hallway could adjust its parameters and manage to project a laser beam beyond the reach of the system of mirrors and googamajigs behind the glass on either side of the wall? You could speculate so, but in the movie it doesn't happen, and judging by what mechanical knowledge I have of nonexistent infallible laser grid hallways, the laser beam requires amplification on both ends of the hallway to be effective (or else the lasers wouldn't be so obviously anchored and "generated" by both sides of the hallway), so I don't imagine that one side of the hallway itself would be able to project a dangerous laser beam on its own, or else they would have made the laser hallway scene far more complex because it is in fact probably the most CG intensive scene in the movie, so they may as well have made it worth the massive sacrifice of credibility and characters.

You may have thought at this point that Ol' Shiny's fifteen minutes were up at the end of that run-on sentence, but rest assured, they aren't. Having established the precedent that Ol Shiny can cover the entire Z-axis with an inescapable laser grid capable of slicing easily through not only human flesh but solid metal, it is interesting that the computer components to the Red Queen mainframe stored in the duffel bags carried by the victims of said laser grid did not get destroyed. They most certainly were passed through by the lasers. There is no differentiation between molecular densities or any such chemical properties of metal in the course of the hallway scene to establish any logical basis which informs the audience that the lasers can only cut "certain metals". Now perhaps I'm wrong, perhaps the combat knives carried by the Umbrella operatives are composed of a carbon fiber polymer that is more malleable than steel or whatever the mainframe components are made of(or whatever the hell they actually are) and that explains why they can be cut. I just love the incredibly large holes in logic we are expected to overlook in movies these days for the sake of entertainment.

On top of that, there is one thing that always severely pisses me off not only in zombie movies, but all movies that feature arms of any kind. Why the fuck would you intentionally discard your arms? Why!? There is NO reasonable excuse for discarding your weapons in any situation whatsoever unless they literally weigh so much it reduces your chance of surviving. In Resident Evil the film this is not the case. The Springfield 1911, the Heckler and Koch MP5K, the Heckler and Koch G36, the Beretta 92FS, whatever .357 looking revolver Kaplan had, NONE of those firearms would have been a burden on them in any situation. Yes, they ran out of ammo (because they're too god damn stupid to aim for the head.) If "people" are coming at you that obviously are walking on broken feet, are missing half their heads, their bodies are decomposed, you aren't stupid enough to have any hope that there is salvation for these mutated creatures. Regardless, in a zombie scenario, you don't drop your weapons. Weapons can always be used as clubs. Clubs may not necessarily be the most effective anti-zombie weapon, but they're better than your body. In addition lets examine the reality and the inherent ramifications in reality of abandoning your weapons. First of all, they're Umbrella employees. If they make it out of there, they have to go back to work afterwards. Umbrella's going to scold the shit out of them , dock their pay, maybe even fire them, for leaving several thousand dollars of company assets half a mile underground in a contaminated and compromised research laboratory. Secondly, it's mentally retarded to drop your gun because in the case of Resident Evil, there is a 100% chance you're going to get more ammunition because , as I will touch on later, Resident Evil is not a zombie apocalypse franchise. Resident Evil is a science fiction franchise about corporate sin, scientific and business ethics, and dirty warfare. Every incident that occurs in Resident Evil is an incident, not a part of a global doomsday. There will be more ammo, unless they managed to use billions of bullets, and at the same time all the workers of all the firearms industries die or go on strike.

Other than those things, there aren't more things I find unforgiveable with the movie itself. However, there are things that are retarded in terms of discrepancy between the game and movies. In the movie, lickers are intentionally manufactured BOWs, as opposed to the licker lore of the games (or so you would assume. They never explain in the movie how the lickers come to be, or call them lickers) . In the Resident Evil series, a Licker is formed by a further mutation of the Crimson Head zombie variant, assumedly by consumption of fresh host blood. This in turn has the potential to mutate Crimson Head zombies further into fullblown lickers. Granted, this explanation for lickers is introduced YEARS and YEARS after Resident Evil 2 came out, after it was already established that the Tyrant virus has no ability to cause further mutation in human hosts after the zombie stage, in contrast to the newly developed G virus which forces severe mutation in mammalian hosts each time they integrate additional DNA into their bodies by feeding on a fresh victim. This part of the movie pissed me off the most because they combined the T and the G virus into one ultra virus, as shown by the licker immediately mutating into a full blown G Imago after it killed Spencer, the G Imago being the first boss in Resident Evil 2.

Before I wrap up this first third of the review, I have to make one more obvious observation on the massive inconsistencies in the movie. When Alice wakes up in the abandoned hospital and she makes it out alive, we are treated to her stepping into an absolutely fucked up Raccoon City and taking a shotgun from a police cruiser. It looks like it's about one P.M or so on a rather dreary day, and the entire city area you are shown is derelict and destroyed. Now, we have to put this in a time frame, because obviously the second movie rewinds an unspecified amount of time to show us how the city becomes a wasteland, though it does a terrible job. When she steps out, it's most definitely early in the day. When Resident Evil Apocalypse picks up, it's obviously at some point early in the day (as established by Angela still being at school and one of the researchers being in a bath robe, assuming these are somewhat respectable citizens and they don't sleep all day (obviously overlooking their involvement in incredibly unethical and illegal research when we label them as respectable citizens)). However, in the shots you see afterwards the city seems quite uninfected during the day and it seems that by nightfall a vast amount of the civilians trying to escape through the Umbrella quarantine check point at the Ravens Gate Bridge are still uninfected. It is not until late at night we are informed through the reflection of a motorcycle cop/umbrella special operatives reflective helmet visor that the entire city has finally become the Necropolis. However, it is important to interject that the establishing scene of Jill Valentine is during the day and a zombie outbreak *seems* to be ubiquitous. Either way, the last shot of Resident Evil is of a terribly wrecked, congested, and abandoned street (assume it's main street and that the streets which are navigable are less important) is during the day. It is NOT possible for this shot to have happened the day after the outbreak (outbreak in terms of citywide) because at that point the city has been nuked. Now, it is possible to suppose that Alice was kept in the Hospital facility for a few days after the Hive (it seems odd that they would intentionally wait a long period of time to reopen the Hive), so perhaps as in the game it actually took a few days for the entire city to become infected, which would explain Jills familiarity with how to kill the zombies. Of all the bothersome things in the first movie I'll concede that this one is just convoluted as opposed to absolutely absurd and impossible, but nonetheless it's a plot hole that's rather annoying.

Having said all the negatives, I must admit as other Resident Evil fans did, I thoroughly enjoyed the film. The action was pretty close to the games, the situations were somewhat reminiscent, and they did stay as close to legitimate consistency with the game universe as they could I must say. Additionally, the CG is great, the zombies and makeup and wardrobe are pretty excellent, and the movie is definitely rewatchable. Despite my uber nerd problems with the entire movie series, I give Resident Evil four and a half out of five stars.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I say a lot of libellous things about Conservatives

Sometimes I encounter people who don't understand why I am actually capable of hating the "other side", in this case in regards to politics, which in reality has nothing to do with politics or government, but rather outlook on life. People that are my best friends even, who I know for a fact share my opinions.

Michael Savage, in his idiosyncratic crying ass Jew radio host method, spent his show today crying about things that no conservative can possibly understand, in this case the covering of the Tea Parties today by the "liberal New York communist media" which everyone knows at this point in America is a fantasy. The media is no longer the Left and Right spin machine, it's just a conglomeration of complete dumbasses whose media "direction" is dictated by even BIGGER morons, as IF they existed.

"I've only seen one African American" I paraphrase from Janet (you have a last name, not that I care to Google it's Italian spelling), a reporter chosen by "Mr. Cline" who is also apparently a left Communist, just like everyone else that's not on your side, right America.

Michael Savage continues to SAVAGEly misinterpret the intentions of this report by crying that "African Americans" were not prevented, discouraged, barred from attending these Tea Parties. Take note class because this is one of the major reasons I and the remaining sane people in this world HATE the fascists in this country.
There was no clarified motive for reporting how many African Americans showed, at least not in the out-of-context quotes that the Conservatives like to play on their radio shows. There may have been in real life, but unlike the fascists, I don't take comfort, enjoyment, in actively seeking relationships between nouns that don't actually exist in anyone elses mind.
If in reality 98% of taxes paid are by WHITE people then our tax system is broken and Obama is right to want to reform it. Regardless that has no legitimate authority to explain the demographical composition of angry anti-tax protestors.
And another thing to the mentally retarded, jaded, pissed off angry redneck wastes of sperm that listen to conservative talk radio (thats right I REFER TO YOU, including my own father) and actually have the audacity to LAUGH at the slanderous fucking filth that the FCC allows on the airwaves, and encourages with Marconi awards among other bastardized and empty honors: The "naive college youth" of this country did not elect Obama. Most of the fucking conservative morons ARE college students raised by their parents not to think for themselves or have any measurable capacity to discern the truth amidst the sea of potential information that exists in our time period. There are not 40 million college students in this country that actively voted in any election, ever, regardless of the fact that this is the highest voter turnout in history. For those of us who did vote for him, we did not vote for him knowing, or thinking, that he would pass massive spending bills, in the midst of the magnificent depression, or do any of the things he did. Frankly I don't support a lot of his administrations actions so far and this is not why I voted for him, but you idiot conservatives have to get a clue and understand WHY he's the president. He's not the illegitimate, the annointed, the magnificent, the great, the savior, any of these stupid fucking names YOU in the conservative fantasyland have granted him. He won because his competition was a woman that everyone in America hates and no one can tell anyone why they do, an old dumbass Republican that not even conservatives believed in, and his running mate, a completely retarded, obscenely negative stereotype of the worst possible stereotypical American yuppie citizen. A stupid cunt even less intelligent than GW, who names her children the kind of appellations found in Saturday morning cartoons and old western flicks, whose children are inherently as fucking tragic of an abomination that has come to represent the common American, who in the typical neo-American way doesn't care about anyone, including her constituents, or her gender, or nature.
I love you conservatives, I really do. You're all so incredibly clueless as to the time, the situation that we have lived in for years. America has ALWAYS been arrogant. Only an arrogant nation could slap Britain in the face at the height of their power as an empire and tell them "Bring it, bitch." Only an arrogant nation could sit back and watch Europe, the entirety of the Western world and the Eastern world be used as a firing range, it's people incinerated, enslaved, murdered, used as lab rats for occult and demonic experiments, not once but three times, biding it's time until the travesty had reached a peak, coming in to the war 4 years late, never at all, or over a decade late, and then have the BALLS to allow it's fascist motherfucker right wing celebrities claim that America "saved the day" , that we'd all be speaking German if it weren't for America. What the FUCK did America ever do for ANYONE? We let 10 million people die in WW2 before we ever even lifted a finger. It doesn't matter why, it doesn't matter that we were "regrouping" and trying to be a worthwhile effort instead of charging in and just becoming victims ourselves. We orchestrated the destruction of Europe and Africa and Russia and most of Asia AND the western hemisphere and we have the disgusting audacity to decry the world for ever criticizing us because they may potentially be "slaves" to this day? We have the balls to berate our president, to crucify him on the altar of public opinion, for apologizing for the word which sums up our entire existence?
Did ANY of you tools EVER take a history class? We found this land on accident, looking for India, at which point after overwhelming evidence proving us to be completely incorrect we actively refused to believe science FACT (Sound familiar?), and set upon calling the native emigrants of Russia and Europe and the Iranian plateau to this land "Indians" just to further engrain our arrogance on the world. And we STILL call them Indians to this day! We killed their entire species, we killed their culture, their religion, their society, hunted and butchered them and then forced them to live on government chosen tracts of barren, useless land, and now we bitch and cry and protest and vote no against "indian" casino laws so that they can't at least have some empty monetary reward for surviving and suffering the genocide of their existence because we have attached a criminal connotation to casinos, which in reality is entirely a product of American fearmongering and radical propaganda. On top of that, we killed the Mayans, the Aztecs, the Inca , whether or not it wasn't specifically America instead of other European nations like Spain, forced people off of land they lived on for generations and generations, and the best part of all is the fact that no one even lives on 80% of the land in America. Half of our country still flies the confederate flag, a symbol of criminality, unconstitutional beliefs and behavior, slavery, arrogance, oppression, and stupidity, under the guise of a symbol of decentralization, of pride, of history. And we encourage it.
For anyone too retarded to understand, the South was not right. A confederation of state governments with no central authority to govern them has NEVER worked and will never work as proven by the history of man. The Greek city states had no central government, they were destroyed, repeatedly. The Italian states had no central government. They were destroyed, nay immediately, and united under a central government. The Germanic states had no central unified government. They were destroyed and in turmoil for centuries. The Chinese kingdoms and states spent the time in which they did not have a central unifying government destroying each other and being destroyed.
In stark contrast, the only stability that has ever come for nations in the history of existence has been with strong central governments. The Persian empire of Darius and afterward had a central unifying government. It lasted centuries. The Roman Republic and Empire, in their original and diminutive forms, were the very foundation of a modern government, and lasted 2000 years. The Parthian Empire, the Sassanid Empire, the Seleucid Empire, the Bactrian Empire, the dynasties of China, Lysimachian, Cassandrian, and Ptolemaic kingdoms, the Phoenician empire, every successful "union" of nations in the history of ever has been held together (for as long as possible) by a strong centralized government. The evidence is irrefutable. The fact that these empires all fell apart (most by military conquest) is entirely irrelevant in a comparison of American alternate history to pre-American real history. America as a nation is only 2 centuries old, there's no gaurantee it will last much longer if at all.
You're right conservatives, I concede, I'm sorry. A country whose entire existence is predicated upon assassination, murder, deception, unbridled greed, genocide, dissention, treachery, rebellion, slavery, pitiful attempts at diplomacy, unasked for international intervention, social cannabalism, fanatic religious devotion, hypocras, corruption, overconsumption, and coveting just to name a few, is by no means arrogant. How DARE Obama make the slightest insignificant dent in the cave walls that are our massive grave plot as a country by attempting to even ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that we are wrong. How dare he observe the traditions of foreign countries. How dare he change the ridiculous diplomatic relations we have had with Cuba and other unpopular nations for the past sixty years. What a prick.

Here, let me just drop this list of noteable terms that you all need to re-examine.

Yellow journalism
The Gilded Age
World War 1
World War 2
Korean War
Cuban Missile Crisis
Vietnam War
Bosnia Herzegovina
Spanish American War
Mexican American War
American Revolution
American Civil War
Treaty of Versailles
League of Nations
United Nations
George W. Bush
World Trade Center
Fox News
Seven Years War
War of 1812
Berlin Wall
South Africa
Nurembourg Trials
Geneva Convention
Roman Empire
Gracchus brothers
Julius Caeser
Paul Revere
Benjamin Franklin
Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Paine
John Locke
Carl Sagan
Stephen Hawking
Rick Santorum
Strom Thurman
Nancy Pelosi
Harry Reid
Tim Geitner
Operation Desert Shield
Operation Desert Storm
al Qaeda
Operation Iraqi Freedom
Ken Lay

Seriously, I could go on for days. Go back to high school, go back to college, and read a god damn history book. Watch a god damn news reel. Go to your library at your university and go to the whatever-ma-jig-newspaper-machine and read articles from back in the day, watch videos. Read interviews. Read the CIA world fact book. You fucking fascist bigot naive zealots would make me sick if your pathetic existence hadn't forced the righteous population of this world to grow such thick skin.
America makes any educated person who has a conscience absolutely sick to their stomachs. Yes, we're not the only country with a crime rate. We're not the only country that murdered people in the name of expansion, freedom, god, money, vengeance, whatever. We're not the only or the first nation to lie, to deceive, to invade, to turn a blind eye. But you know what we are? We're the best at all of those things.

"We're the best, oh whooaaa oh, never gonna evah bring us down".

Being the best isn't a good thing all the time. Excellence, superlative adjectives, are not good things when they modify murder, deception, invasion, coveting, genocide, brashness, refusal, naivete, ignorance, over-consumption, zealotry, inferior products, lack of compassion, social cannibalism, arrogance, stupidity, obesity.

Honestly....can you really think of a positive adjective we can claim a superlative in? Honestly, I challenge you to think of one superlative positive adjective that describes America. Enduring spirit? No. Try Britain, or France, or Germany. Innovation? Try a Chinese dorm room. Educational pursuit? Try any country that isn't America. Personal freedom? Wrong again. Monetary stability? Try Europe. Transportation infrastructure? Europe.

You can't.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Piracy, 9/11, Hillary Clinton,2933,514039,00.html

Let me start off by saying that I believe the people on the left, or near the left of the middle, in the Libertarian or Democratic party or maybe even on the fence, are quite aware in their every day mental lives that Conservatives are among other demonstrable and derogatory qualities, completely bat shit insane.
Having said that allow me to point out what any person with a developed brain, even third graders, can explain more clearly to you than factual scientific concepts. Piracy and terrorism are the same fucking thing. There is NO difference. I wish I had the clairvoyance, the extra terrestrial knowledge, to understand the psychoses of the conservative mind. What do you honestly think makes piracy and terrorism two separate categories of criminal activity, of criminal lifestyle? Pirates INVENTED terrorism. There is no difference. NONE MICHAEL SAVAGE. NONE. In fact, it wasn't even Michael Savage that said it when I heard this putrid nonsense on the airwaves, it was some stand in, because like the great Americans, all the "popular" on-air media personalities are taking Good Friday off, though every real American worked their ass off today.
What makes me even more irate is the overall puzzle of how to poison America's mind and fuck the Democrats out of office, and how they attempt to fit all these little pieces into it. For example, Fox news, Savage, Limbaugh, all these morons, have the audacity to berate Hillary Clinton for laughing at the fact that there's piracy in Somalia. Do you know why she's laughing? Because she had the faith in humanity to believe that after three thousand years PIRACY HAD FINALLY STOPPED. You fucking IDIOTS. She's not laughing at "terrorism". She's not laughing because she finds criminal activity humorous. She's laughing at how god damn ridiculous is the fact that after three thousand years, we haven't managed to eliminate the threat of piracy not only on the high seas, but on land as well.
Yes, conservatives, that's right, I said 3000 years. That's why she's laughing. She thought the Barbary wars, and the destruction of the Carribbean sea pirate threat as well as around the coasts of Africa, Brazil, Argentina, the East Indies, and the Mediterranean sea had long come to pass as a solid fact in world history textbooks and SHOULD only exist in Hollywood and Disney World in the 21st century. Realistically she realized before and certainly realizes now piracy is still popular and dangerous, and she's ashamed at how ludicrous and retarded it is that there are pirates in an age of nuclear weapons and jet engines. However, I have digressed.
Any teenager, nay, any elementary school kid who cares about history or war or culture or the history of economics can elucidate the concept of piracy to you. It's been around as long as sailing. Julius Caesar built his early pre-political career upon eradicating the pirate threat of Cilicia. He spent over a month in the captivity of pirates and threatened regularly to crucify every last one of them when his ransom arrived from Miletus. Eventually it did, and he crucified every last pirate involved. Before Caesar and after Caesar pirates still sailed the Mediterranean sea, and dealing with pirates became a pre-occupation of every nation to bear a fleet.
We thought in the United States in the 18th and 19th century we had finally broken the back of pirates, with the aforementioned Barbary Wars and the "justice" administered to the pirates of the Carribbean sea as well as other vital colonial trade centers. They existed before the rise of Rome, they existed during, and they still exist centuries after not only they thought to have eliminated the problem, but centuries after America, after the United Provinces, Portugal, the British Empire, the French, the Moroccans, and countless other nations thought to have eradicated piracy from the world.
As I said before, it must be made painfully clear to you idiots that terrorism is not a new concept. Radical Islamists did not invent terrorism. Hussein, bin Laden, Iran, Iraq, Hamas, al Qaida, Somalia, South Africa, none of these people directly invented terrorism fresh out of the criminal laboratory in the 20th century.



1. the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, esp. for political purposes.
2. the state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.
3. a terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government.



–noun, plural -cies.
1. practice of a pirate; robbery or illegal violence at sea.
2. the unauthorized reproduction or use of a copyrighted book, recording, television program, patented invention, trademarked product, etc.: The record industry is beset with piracy.
3. Also called stream capture. Geology. diversion of the upper part of one stream by the headward growth of another.

1545–55; earlier pyracie pīrātīa See pirate, -acy

The definitions are not exactly the same, according to the dictionary. Dictionaries do not accurately define words in a modern society and certainly do not take into account the reality of their defined members, such as pirates and terrorists. While a pirate may potentially only exhibit behavior only definable as general terrorism, they may only be doing it for fun, for plunder, for loot, and womens. Unfortunately for those that aren't aware, Disney pirates who seek women and booze and gold and a good time are not real. Pirates were brutal criminals. They murdered for no reason, they raped, they plundered, they destroyed property, they killed women and children unprovoked. They were the most violent people you could possibly imagine, and in fact, you couldn't imagine them, because you've never met a true 18th century pirate, and you've never met 21st century pirate. Niether have I.
Unfortunately for you conservatives, niether of us know terrorists either, not foreign ones at least, but it's well established that they are human beings. They have families, they are networked, and although they are violent and brutal and "insane", they exhibit the same normal behaviors we do. Fidel Castro, Saddam Hussein, bin Laden, all these people, they have families, they engage at times and maybe all the time as far as we know in every day life, albeit potentially removed from normal society in some cases. You don't hear about muslim extremists busting into a grocery store, murderign everyone, and then leaving and not even taking anything.
Get a clue and realize that terrorism is an extremely broad term. In reality, all crime is terrorism. There are no victimizing crimes that don't seek to scare, to terrify, to intimidate. Crimes with indirect or somewhat intangible victims like counterfeiting and file sharing are completely different. Rape, murder, theft, war, molestation, these crimes are all violent, they are all "terrifying" and their only purpose, regardless of motive, is to scare and intimidate the victims. There's no difference between a murderer who shoots someone in the head in brought daylight in an alley and a "terrorist" who helps his terrorist group take over an oil rig and hold it hostage for government money, or someone who flies a plane into a building. Absolutely no difference. The magnitude of the crime doesn't make the crime any different. An American who shoots his neighbor should receive the same punishment as the "terrorists" who "hijacked" planes and blew up part of New York City. They should sit in jail for the rest of their lives, and I won't go into that, because a discussion of capital punishment and the flawed American "justice" system is a whole grocery store full of worms that I'm not going to open up right now.

Pre and Post 9/11 World

It makes me just so happy to hear conservatives throwing around a term as insanely retarded as "post/pre 911 world". Yes, in some circumstances it is convenient, in a strictly textbook and pedagogical sense, to refer to things with temporal prefixes. For example, ante-bellum and post-bellum South in America, though it is highly arguable that in reality, there are very little distinguishable differences between any section of America before and after the second American revolution.
There is no such thing as post 9/11 and pre 9/11 world. These three words serve ONLY as a temporal distinction between the "time" before September 11, 2001 , and the "time" after September 11, 2001. In the big picture, nothing has changed. After 9/11, Ben Franklin would shoot himself in the face with a shotgun if he travelled forward in time to witness the monsterous shit the Bush administration took on the constitution. Other than that, the world is the same. We still have secret military operations involved with corrupt goverments. Our own government is still inept, corrupt, and disenfranchised from it's people. If you consider the blemish of the Bush administration and their perceivedly immense changes to the very fabric of the geo-political sphere and America, yes, some changes have occurred. The government can do whatever it wants now, more or less. Crazy fucking INSANE laws can be passed in , go figure, Bush territory, like in Florida, literally outlawing philanthropy. (A man was arrested and jailed for helping a homeless person.)
The only sense in that the world is any different than it was eight years ago is that now people are not going to take horse shit anymore, or so the conservative propaganda machine would have you believe. After their so coined terrible presidency of Barack Obama thus far, they have yet to accomplish any political achievements. The bill still passed, the administration is still in place. They can have their Tea Parties, they have not accomplished and will not accomplish anything.
If you honestly think 9/11 changed everything (as popularized on Family Guy), you're an idiot. You most likely are waking up in the same bedroom you did that morning, driving the same car, working the same job, living in the same town and country, doing the same shit you did that morning as you will this Easter weekend, and so is everyone else in a first world country. You conservative fascists make me fucking sick. If you gave a shit about anything in the world bigger than your own pocketbooks, you'd shut the fuck up and do something that matters. Dharfur, Somalia, deforestation, the countdown to extinction, humanitarian efforts, the somewhat recovering economy, global climate shifting, supporting personal freedoms, supporting local businesses, preventing the absolute possiblity of Enron, Tyco, AIG, Adelphia, your neighborhood watch, ANYTHING. Stop listening to facist morons like Huckabee, Savage, Hannity, Limbaugh, Pelosi, McCain, Palin, any of them, and think for your damn self. Seriously, try it, it might be liberating.